The Sandwich King

I bet you've heard of the Sandwich King, haven't you? He's world renowned don't y'know? A ubiquitous presence that will be with you whenever you hold a filling between two slices of bread. But, years ago, the Sandwich King was not just an ambient presence, he was once a person, yes of flesh and blood and bits of marrow! You see the Sandwich King was murdered so brutally as to only leave his aura behind. Do you want to hear the tale? Then read on good fellow!

It was the annual banquet of gineau pigs and rodent poo; tables end to end were piled high with droppings and roasted gerbil brethren. Everyone gathered at their designated table to say grace and then feast subsequently. The Sandwich King walked slowly to the head of the room, the sound of his footsteps resonating about the large stone room, echoing in the empty air much as others' stomachs rumbled in their cavernous innards. People were restlessly hungry, some could barely wait for the walking to finish never mind the prayer. Mother Hubbard twitched ravenously, he lip tweaking upwards and revealing here canines as drool ran between them and onto her gums; her cupboard had been bare for some time now and she was craving a feastful feasting. The Sandwich King arrived at his seat; a much grander piece of upholstery than anyone elses that the king admired so studiously. Gracious Goose was looking the worse for wear, his ribs were visibly shaking beneath his thinning skin whilst his feathers were falling to the floor. He, too, was drooling uncontrolably, and the saliva was building up in his beak. The Sandwich King reeled backward in shock and extended his arm and his index finger towards the back of the chair.

"Dust!" he cried, "I can't have dust!"

Servants came rushing in to rectify the problem, however it was not pleasing all the guests. Harry Whale the Whale was salivating all over his empty plate, staring endlessly into the piles of food whilst his right eye twitched violently. The servants buzzed around the chair like bees over nectar and, before long, the chair was spotless. The Sandwich King pulled a great smile across his face and turned to everyone in order to see his feelings reciprocated however he was to be dissapointed. The entire audience he had mustered were now leaning over their plates and lurching at the food. The Sandwich King's smile disappeared instantly, he yelled at them all, telling them to sit up straight and to smile otherwise no food would be served to anyone. This was it, this was when someone snapped. Some obeyed the King's demand in sheer desperation - their desire for rich rodent maure, however one being was not so complient. Screaming like a banshee from hell came leaping a crazed lunatic weilding his fork and spoon. He jumped up onto the table and started to bourre towards the head of the table, tip-toe-ing speedily and frantically whilst his eyes bore a countenance so menacing it made Grumble-Keg bleed liquor. Next he began to pique, his leading foot straight and auxillary foot lifting gracefully to form a triangle with the front leg acting as hypotenuse. He then proceded to overstep the front foot before stepping forward with it, repeating these ballet steps with the utmost precision. The movements accelrated in enacment, the distance travelled each second becoming greater and greater. Soon the maddly growling assaillant had piroutted up to the King before hurling the spoon off his forehead. The Sandwich King fell back: partly in shock; partly through the forceful impact of the spoon. He now lay at the mercy of the Wrap Man, slumped over his chair and partially concussed. The Wrap Man let out a shrill cry, like some jungle tribesman or chimpanzee, before stabbing the fork into the Sandwich King's leg. The Sandwich King glowed a deep red all over before evaporating into tiny particles and dispersing all over the world.

The room was silent. But just for a moment.

Before you could say "bon-apetite" the room had exploded into a gorging frenzy. Everyone began guzzling the food with such enthusiasm and content. The kingdom was happy once more but the King would be ever restless, drifting in a cruel form of limbo.